Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dream_labyrinth's InsaneJournal:

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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
6:26 am	Good Omens Did you notice I'm around more? I've been reserving half an hour every morning to read the flist. I hope I can keep it up. Off to work. Supervisors come in at eight. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 18th, 2009
2:32 pm	two more days Monday morning we'll leave for Nijmegen, Tuesday at four o'clock we'll be on the road. Frankly, I'm getting to be rather nervous about the whole thing. I just hope I'll manage. Four times 50 kilometres - I must have been crazy! If I do make it, I'll probably run (make that crawl) around with a stupid grin on my face and my medal stuck to my chest for weeks. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
8:36 pm	Not good enough I can see your disappointment; I didn't say what you wanted to hear. I smile when you smile, but that's just the way I am. I share a laugh with you, but that's nothing special. You're good enough for me to talk to you, but so are others. You're good enough for me to spend time with you, but you're not my favourite. You're good enough for me to go out with you, but you're not highest on my list. You're good enough. But that's not good enough for me. My Mum says my standards are too high, I'm too picky. But I'm not desperate enough yet to change my mind. Though I should probably not read a large part of my selection of historical romances back to back. It might still, despite all evidence to the contrary, make me assume there is such a thing as a man who knows his own mind and is willing to do something about it. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: Roxette: Dressed for success (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 31st, 2009
5:30 pm	Meep This morning, Mum and my sister and I went to the pentecost service at our old church in town, which also was the goodbye service for the pastor who did my sister's confirmation and who's been in that parish for as long as I can remember (due to the fact that he started working there the year I was born...) We've been members of that parish for years, and yet there were so few faces we recognised. Partly that was because we couldn't see the choir and the orchestra, of which we know at least half the people, but also it was because a lot of people have moved in and others have moved away. It still is very much an "intelligentsia" parish. I had to grin slightly when the youth group - where teens can go after confirmation - mentioned those evenings when they meet up and everybody brings an instrument and they play together. And the choir and orchestra did stuff from Händel's Messiah, and they had enough tenors for the tenor solo parts not to sound pitiful. And I was overwhelmed by a desire for a more cultured environment than Hammelburg can ever manage to give me. They're too rural and too Catholic, which in combination amounts to being stubbornly proud of their narrowmindedness. I've enjoyed the time spent with my family, the fact that I can say whatever comes to my mind without wondering whether my audience will understand what I mean. I hadn't realised how much I was used to toning down my usual conversation to avoid any kind of reference to history, mythology, and anything printed that goes beyond Dan Brown. On the other hand, I'm in somthing of a hole right now.I'm eating too much chocolate, which is a sure sign of emotional wonkiness, I'm restless, I took days to read a single Dorothy Sayers novel. I guess I really need to break out, to get away for a while, to do something completely different. (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 18th, 2009
7:23 pm	Random song text posting Because my BIL gave me the complete works of "Die Ärzte" for Easter, here's a song for the flist. ;-) Meine Freunde sind homosexuell, meine Freunde sind alle kriminell. Sie ficken sich ganz einfach so gegenseitig in den Po, und das macht ihnen auch noch Spaß. Dürfen die das? Dürfen die das? Ist das nicht irgendwie verboten? Ist das tatsächlich erlaubt? Kann ich das bitte schriftlich haben, weil mir nachher keiner glaubt. Dürfen die das? Meine Freunde stehen auf S&M. Meine Freunde sind nicht gerade verklemmt. Sie bleiben tagelang zuhaus', peitschen sich gegenseitig aus und sie zerschneiden sich mit Glas. Dürfen die das? Ja, dürfen die das? Ist das nicht irgendwie verboten? Ist das tatsächlich legal? Es geht mich eigentlich nichts an, aber ich wüsste gerne mal: Dürfen die das? Meine Freunde glauben nicht an Gott. Meine Freunde gehören aufs Schafott. Sie leugnen seine Existenz, sind totale Satan-Fans. Einer spielt Drums, der andere Bass. "E nomine satanas!" Dürfen die das? Ja, dürfen die das? Ja sag mal, ist das nicht irgendwie verboten? Wird man dafür nicht bestraft? Was ist das bloß für eine Welt, in der man solche Sachen darf? Dürfen die das? In English ( under the cut ) And do I need to tell you it's ironic? (Comment on this)
6:36 pm	I never really considered buying at ebay... ...but: READ! I would do a lot to get this. Getting an ebay account doesn't seem to be much of a problem. Except shipping's likely to cost more than the poster. Why can't I live in the US? I like the READ posters. The ALA also has one with Hugh Laurie (with Treasure Island), and one of Alan Rickman (reading Catcher in the Rye), and Anthony Hopkins. I wouldn't mind Sean Connery, either... For some reason, Keira Knightley really doesn't look great on her posters, though. Anyway, I think it's a great promotional idea. *sigh* And Bowie would look great in my office. There also is a Twilight poster. *snort* Last week, two people ordered two books each of the series. Each one telling me they didn't want the books for themselves. I am not going to buy them. I'm sorry, I don't care if we get fifty requests for them. They suck. They suck so badly I refuse to accept that it's a matter of taste. They seem to have been written by a fifteen-year-old after watching Interview with a Vampire 50 times straight. When I ordered them from a colleague at another library we chatted about them a bit and I was greatly amused she hated them just as much as me. But she raised an interesting aspect as to why we should be happy to see this kind of book published. A large number of librarians are (supposedly) wannabe writers. And every horribly crappy book we come across (and as librarians, that happens a lot) shows us that it being badly written is no reason for publishers not to buy a manuscript. And that's good, right? Okay, a good manuscript might not get bought, but really, publishers will obviously buy anything. That gives us hope, doesn't it? The weather sucks. I bought new running shoes and new shoes for marching - a larger size than the others. The guy at the sports shop almost had a heart attack when he saw my old running shoes. You're supposed to not wear them for longer than - two years, I think, and the model I had was like five years old. They had practically no tread left. There were holes in the tops, because I keep pulling up my toes. And one has a hole in the inside padding - pretty much there where that little bone that shouldn't be there above my heel pokes out. So I spent a shitload of money on two pairs of shoes. And I still don't have new shoes for the office, though I need some sort of low shoe in brown and in black, and at least one pair of sandals I can wear with the insoles would be good. The problem is, for office wear, I do not want sports shoes. I don't want shoes that look "sporty", I don't want shoes that have additional seams in odd places, I don't want shoes in two tones. I don't want something that looks like an orthopaedic shoe. Just because my feet are crappy doesn't mean everybody needs to know. *sigh* It's hopeless. I'm going to browse here to look at shoes I could wear if I didn't need to stand and walk anywhere. (And maybe not even then, without breaking my neck.) Maybe I'll find something that will go well with the earrings I want to wear for the next ball. Then all I need is a dress... Current Mood: bored Current Music: Roxette: Spending my time (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
7:57 am	Random link for the day... winged cocks and other naughty bits (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 15th, 2009
9:21 pm	meme - with exactly the right results Your result for The New Greek Goddess Archetype Test... You are Athena! Athena is a perfect leader - she's analytical, intelligent, practical, and organized. She prides on figuring out the toughest challenges and always having a game plan for every task. She usually makes it to the top of any organization or business she is in. She is prepared and punctual, and this impresses others. On the other hand, she tends to take everything a little too seriously and can take the life out of a party. Take The New Greek Goddess Archetype Test at HelloQuizzy In other news... No, there aren't any news, really. I snatched a couple of books at the book fair and am pretty tired - I spent six hours there Thursday, eight on Friday and another three or so on Saturday, and it took 90 minutes one way to get there and back each day. Saturday, apparently, was Manga day. It was practically impossible to go anywhere without having vital parts cut off or at least bruised by a variety of staffs, scythes, swords, Yu-Gi-Oh decks and other accoutrement, step on somebody's tail or dress or run into somebody wearing fluffy ears. What was new to me was the full cast of One Piece, and not a single SailorMoon in sight. Though of course there still were teenage girls in too-small-for-their-little-sisters school uniforms. So nice of them to give the paedophiles something to look at. Off to catch up with the exchange now. Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 1st, 2009
2:38 pm	Happy Birthday, knigh0fswords! I hope you have fun. :-) In other random news: My OkCupid Dating Persona Is... The Intern Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer (DGSD) Find out your dating persona, take The Dating Persona Test! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
9:13 pm	Mad scientists ...asking lots of questions: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/research/ Here you will have the opportunity to assess your conscious and unconscious preferences for over 90 different topics ranging from pets to political issues, ethnic groups to sports teams, and entertainers to styles of music. At the same time, you will be assisting psychological research on thoughts and feelings. Sessions require 10-15 minutes to complete. Each time you begin a session you will be randomly assigned to a topic. Try one or do them all! At the end of the session, you will get some information about the study and a summary of your results. We hope that you will find the experience interesting and informative. I did several of their topics. The results weren't particularly surprising, but interesting nonetheless: Your data suggest a slight automatic association between System and Justified. Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for Equal compared to Unequal. (This was a difficult one for me. I associate the word "equal" with "before the law", but I'm not sure this is their interpretation) Your data suggest a moderate automatic preference for Markets compared to Regulation. Your data suggest a slight automatic association between Self and Religious. Your data suggest a strong automatic association for 2050 with Safety and 1950 with Danger compared to 1950 with Safety and 2050 with Danger. (They have pictures of 1950s cars, for heaven's sake. How can that be safe??) Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for Change compared to Preserve. Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for Mother compared to Father. (It was somewhat uncomfortable to find how easy it was to align negative words with "father".) Your data suggest a moderate automatic preference for Possible compared to Certain. Your data suggest a moderate automatic preference for Novel compared to Familiar. Your data suggest a moderate automatic association between Self and Liberal. Your data suggest a strong automatic association of Bill Clinton with Honest and George Bush with Corrupt compared to George Bush with Honest and Bill Clinton with Corrupt. (strong automatic response? I don't think Clinton was the epitome of honesty, but I had a lot of trouble putting Bush and Honest in the same category.) Your data suggest a moderate automatic positive association with System. Your data suggest a slight automatic positive association with Social Order. Your data suggest a moderate automatic association of Creationism with False and Evolution with True. Your data suggest a moderate automatic association of Government with Good. (Beginning to see a pattern here? I believe in the system, don't I) Your data suggest a slight automatic positive self esteem. (Slight being the operative word here; I'm usually accused of having a far too high self esteem.) Your data suggest a moderate automatic preference for Individual compared to Group. Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for 2050 compared to 1950. (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 1st, 2009
12:09 pm	Bwahahaa! Happy Birthday to admiralnick! You know why there are so many birthdays around this time of the year? Because it's nine months after just about everybody's main vacation time. Seriously, in summer 1981 my parents went camping with my older siblings (much to my mother's amusement as my older brother still needed nappies, which of course were cloth, and she had to wash them by hand and get them dry through two weeks of almost constant rain), the last holiday my family took until 1990 or 1991. As my Mum kindly informed me (that's always the stuff you don't really need to know), I was not around when they left for the holiday, but came back with them. And the result? March 10th. (Only a bit more than a month now! Yay for birthdays!) Half of the soldiers registered at the library have birthdays between February and early April. Humans are so predictable. Also, I am still alive! And I feel I could walk, if I had to. Not, perhaps, another fifty kilometres, but five or ten, or maybe even twenty. My feet are no longer freakishly swollen. My knees and Achilles tendons don't really appreciate stairs at the moment, but I'm feeling much better than I expected. I'll be going out at some point today and see what my legs and back have to say. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2009
8:12 pm	Homo what? First of all: Happy Birthday morwennac!! You're the one who brought me to LJ - it's all your fault. Secondly, I am at the moment not a homo sapiens sapiens if one characteristic for that species is walking upright. Before nine this morning, after a fairly large breakfast, I set out to walk to Gemünden and back. All in all, that was 53 kilometres. I took 9 hours and 30 minutes; of that I am very proud. Especially as part of the way the trail was covered in ice and I had to go cross-country to avoid slipping every five minutes. Two weeks ago, I did a 6:30 hour-trip and was absolutely dead by hour 5, barely being able to move to get me home. A knowledgeable friend suggested I drink more and be sure to eat enough carbs to have the energy I need. This time, I drank about two litres during the trip (which meant bathroom breaks, but that can't be helped) and I ate lots more than last time. And I was actually able to keep my speed until the end. When I came home, I first vacuumed the floor in the hallway and down the stairs, because this morning when I left I had scattered dried dirt from the soles of my shoes all over the place. Then I sat down to read up on LJ. When I got up from the chair an hour later, I could not straighten. My legs refuse to even consider upright a feasible option. I had to put one hand on the ground to steady myself when undressing to take a shower. I will be completely dead tomorrow. But damn, I made it! I can walk 50 kilometres in one day. Now I need to slowly build up stamina to walk 200 km in four days... Tell me again, why did I sign up for this? Why did I think it was a good idea to challenge myself and find out if I can do this? The group will have the first official training march on the 16th. I think it's only something like 15 or 20 kilometres. I expect to be slower than the rest; I've found I make three steps for an average man's two, and there is only so fast a pace you can reasonably set for yourself. We'll see. Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 25th, 2009
5:43 pm	good deed for the day For a while now I've pondered a solution for my lack of animals. You see, we've owned cats since about 1990. We've had a dog since 1995. I miss not having animals around, and something that sits in a cage or a terrarium or a fish tank is no alternative. My landlord doesn't want animals, being afraid of scratches on the doors. According to German law, though, they can't forbid animals outright. So I've decided it's still a matter of discussion. Frankly, I don't see his point. If the cat damages a door, I have to pay for it, obviously. It's not as if he would get stuck with the bill. Anyway, the other thing I missed was being around dogs. I have no problem walking around the countryside on my own for hours on end, but it's nicer if you have a dog by your side, and people don't look at you as if you're crazy. Owning a dog is definitely out of the question. I work ten-hour days more often than not, and I like to travel. A dog needs too much attention and physical presence for that. So I had two fields of interest: one was to approach the problem of having one, better two, indoor cats - living on the first floor, being gone all day and the memory of my parents' last two cats that were run over all keep me away from allowing my own cat outside. There are several things that need to be done: 1. Get the landlord to agree 2. Figure out whether there is somebody willing to take care of the cat(s) when I'm away (neighbours, coworker who owns a cat...) 3. Find out what sort of damages done by pets my current insurance covers and whether I need any additional insurance 4. Look at cats 5. Get necessary equipment (toilet, toys, cuddly blanket, scratching post, food) Secondly, the dog problem. One option was to find somebody who needed help with walking their dog. But as I actually only have time on the weekend, I wouldn't be much help to others who also only have time on weekends. The other option was the animal shelter. They are always looking for people to walk their dogs. The downside of this is that the nearest shelter is about a 45-minute drive away. But I went there today to offer help with walking dogs. I had made sure to pack my ID and mentally went through my experience dogs so I could answer their questions. *snort* Well, I arrived there, walked in, looked lost. A young woman asked me whether she could help, and I told her I was willing to walk a dog if they needed me. She gave me a form to fill out: I had to give my name and address and had to sign that I wouldn't let the dog off the leash, which makes a whole lot of sense. But that was it. I could have written any name. They didn't check my ID. They didn't ask me whether I had ever held a dog before or was able to tell the end with the teeth from the wagging one. Another woman just led me out to a Dalmatian/something mix (he had a beard like a Schnauzer), told me that he had diarrhoea but that there wasn't anything else she could think of I should know and off I went. I figure if I had loaded the dog into my car and drove off, nobody would have stopped me. Anyway, I walked with him for about 45 minutes. It was weird. I've walked our own dogs, I've walked a friend's dog, I've helped with training dogs. They all communicated with the being on the other end of the leash. Not this one. I might as well not have been there. The only times when he acknowledged the existence of the leash was when I was going somewhere he didn't want to and the collar was too tight. When I patted him, he just stood there. Not curious, not wondering whether the touch was good or bad, nothing. He was friendly enough to other dogs we met, but humans didn't seem to figure in his world view. Considering that dogs generally tend to be happy to have a human, it broke my heart. What sort of life must he have had to end up like this? After some time, I noticed that there was blood on his ear. Half his right ear was missing, and I assume the old wound had opened again when he had been rolling in some interesting smelling dirt. Later I found out that the wound had been bleeding since the morning. Apparently, the people at the shelter didn't think it was an information I might have liked to have. Can you imagine what I felt like, the first dog I take from the shelter and it's bleeding when I bring it back? It didn't seem to bother him, so I decided it couldn't be that bad. But unfortunately, given that people like cute animals, I would think the wound reduces his chances of being adopted even more. The damaged ear doesn't really give him any sort of rakish charm, he's long lost any hint of puppy cuteness, and he's too - I don't know, cold or distant would be the words I'd use referring to a human - to immediately capture the heart of some loving family. When I returned with him, I took another dog out. It was an old German Shepherd female who was only at the shelter while her owner was on a trip. Frankly, I have no idea whatsoever why anybody would ever for whatever brief amount of time give their pet to a shelter. There are private pensions for animals. This dog was very obviously completely overwrought. She was alone in her kennel so had the chance to at least go out of sight, but there were dogs barking all around her all the time. She whined almost constantly until we were out of sight and almost out of earshot from the shelter. The longer our walk lasted (I ended up being out with her for a good hour), the more relaxed she became. And she made it really obvious how fucked up the other dog had been. She didn't look back at me every five minutes like my Mum's dog tends to do (a case of very good imprinting there), but she reacted to change of directions, she communicated to me when she wished to go a certain path, she accepted me as the person holding the leash and therefore deciding speed and ultimate destination. When we returned, she seemed to shrink the moment we stepped through the gate. Shepherds, at least those following the old breeding lines, tend to always look dejected and submissive, but with her it was different. During out walk, she had moved freely, sometimes reminding me more of a wolf than a dog. But back at the shelter, her shoulders sank, her tail was close to being tucked between her legs, she was clearly unhappy. I really do not understand why the owner couldn't find a different solution for her while he was gone. Before I left, I spent some time in the cat room cuddling some extremely cute cats. They had a large tabby with a huge head, the sort of cat that makes it very clear that humans are, at the most, a nice diversion and acceptable provider of food, some cuddly white and black ones clearly out for attention, and a large number of cats who didn't think the presence of humans was a good enough reason to wake up or even open their eyes. The shelter, apart from the easy way they hand dogs to complete strangers, seemed nice enough. It was clean, they had play pens outside for the outdoor cats, a number of kennels so the dogs didn't have to spend all their time in small boxes, and it didn't seem overcrowded. Also, there were quite a few people out to walk dogs, some with the whole family, and several people had come to adopt animals. I asked about indoor cats - most of the ones they have require outdoor access, but there were some cats still in quarantine and apparently some of those were indoor only. So I'll see about that later. First I have to convince the landlord. I have to find two that like each other sufficiently to share a flat, too. With me being away all day and the cats indoors all the time, I think it would be nicer for them to have company - even if they might spend all day each in its corner, sleeping. Oh, and I am using the Bernd das Brot icon because he's been kidnapped (breadnapped?) Somebody stole a heavy, 2-metre figure of a toast with too-short arms from next to the city hall in Erfurt. Who does this sort of thing? And why? The police apparently did actually investigate a political background - a group of squatters took responsability. *headdesk* Also, a depressive toast has its own English, German and Spanish wikipedia pages. Isn't the 21st century great? Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
8:16 pm	Educational In many books on writing I've seen, the authors suggest that you should write about something you know. I don't really think that is right. There isn't anything new under the sun, in a way. It has been my belief that all stories are in the Bible and Shakespeare, and that all others come down to the same basic - I don't want to say plots, but the same basic lines. We write because we want to put our thoughts about something into words, and the things that make our minds so full we need to pour the words onto a page stay the same whether we live in the 1st or the 15th or the 21st century. "Wes das Herz voll ist, des geht der Mund über", Martin Luther said. Whose heart is full, that person's mouth overflows. So in a way, we do write about things we know, because our own feelings, our own thoughts and passions and memories and fears and dreams, will be on the page when we're done. But the little details - those change, and while it might be easier to start writing something you know, so you don't need to do research, I believe it is in a way more rewarding to put those basic lines into a context that is not in your immediate sphere, that requires you to reach out for something new to you, that requires reading and learning and thought. This is rather new to me, actually, which probably explains why I am getting all philosophical about it. I used to stick very much with things I knew. My heroines have tended to not the golden-haired, green-eyed, but definitely the shameless self-insertion Mary Sues. The problems my characters would face were such that I could wrap my mind around with no great stretch of imagination. Now, I find myself challenging myself more, trying out how my values and ideas would look transferred into new contexts that are unusual to me. And at the same time, I'm researching tangible, practical things that might play a role in those settings, going deeper than just the basic facts I picked up over years of a halfway decently broad education. I'm trying to get myself out of my comfort zone of what in my family is called blessed half knowledge. I found that I am more comfortable around people who are passionate and well-versed on something, no matter how small the field of interest. I can listen to my brother talk about the political shenanigans of some ancient Roman emperor or to a friend explaining his plans for a piece of forest he tends, as long as I can feel the passion underneath. I'm not sure I have that same passion. Maybe I've taken care, over the years, to not be passionate about things, as it makes life so much easier if you can move on with a shrug. I don't really care about the reasons; especially as this particular line of thinking would just come out to say I am the way I am because my classmates always were so mean to me - and I think that is a shoddy excuse when you're 26. So I'm educating myself, giving myself a chance to find something about which I can feel deeply. And I'm writing. When my heart is full, the words flowing out of my mouth don't have to be the same as the ones in my heart, but they can still convey something, and that maybe can be the essence of those feelings, distilled to the point where they might not only ring with me for today and in my current mood, but might last longer than a passing fancy. In one of the stories in the Exchange, a poem was posted that I instantly liked: Invictus by William Ernest Henley Out of the night that covers me, Black as a pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud; Under the bludgeoning of chance My head is bloody, but not bowed. Beyond this place of wrath and fears Looms but the horror ofd the shade, And yet the menace of the years finds, and shall find me, unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. Current Mood: pensive (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
9:33 pm	a number of random things I wish all you Americans luck with your new president. Don't expect miracles, though, and don't come running to whomever if things don't suddenly improve by the magic of inauguration. I went swimming today, but only for about twenty minutes because there were far too many people around. Also, I walked for 6 and a half hours on Sunday and my lower back is still complaining. (Neither my feet nor my legs are, though, which is good.) I have a scratch on my hand. I got it from a cat. The cat sat on a table outside the library today. There are no cats in the building. I have no idea where this guy came from, but boy was he loud! Apparently, he was deeply afraid, though used enough to humans to come sniffing at my hand for a moment before trying to run off. I caught him and carried him downstairs to get him out - I wuldn't want the poor thing trapped in the building. However, I wish I had a cat. :-( Need to talk to my landlord again. He doesn't want people to have cats because he fears they'll damage the doors by scratching, but I don't think a cat used to being indoors or a cat that has the possibility to go out would do that. At least, our cats at home only did when locked in over a longer period of time (except Cato who opened doors). I ate far too many M&Ms today, but I refuse to feel too guilty about it. It's all part of my "Be nice to me" scheme for 2009. Off to bed now. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 17th, 2009
4:40 pm	boooooookssss I've updated my booklist for 2008: Link I didn't even make it to 200. :-( And there's a lot of re-reads on that list, and lots of - erm - rather quick reads. (Which is to say, books that are better read with brains shut off, or best yet, not at all.) That last aspect is somewhat unlikely to change in 2009, though I will try to be better with the re-reads. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 12th, 2009
8:33 pm	I'm Slytherdor! - and lack self-control http://www.helloquizzy.com/results/the-sorting-hat-test6/?fromCGI=1&var_Order=-1&var_Morality=-1 In other news, a post by a friend made me evaluate my progress on the weight / figure subject. On average, in 2008 I worked out at least three times a week. Some times I didn't do much, like during my vacation, but I also rode the bike to work for months and did daily workouts some months. I've done a mix of cardio and weight-lifting, with more weight-lifting towards the end of the year. Approximately in July, I started weighing myself in the morning and evening and recording the weight. I started out with 66 kg after coming back from the US. For most of August, September and October, as well as most of November, my weight was somewhere between 63 and 65 kg. In November and December, I was between 64 and 66 kg, and even up to 68 briefly in December. One reason definitely is that I didn't adhere to my food rules as strictly as I should have. On the other hand, I started the weight-lifting in November and did build muscle in those two months. So, according to my scale, I have not made any progress in the past year. Rather the opposite, I have gained weight. However, I see a distinct change in my figure. My arms and legs are more muscular, my shoulders are shaped much better than before (even though my upper back and shoulder muscles still aren't strong enough for me to manage a pull-up...), and I've increased the weight for some exercises. There's still room to move. I should be lighter than I am. On the other hand, working out six times a week tired me physically as much as mentally, not to mention the complete lack of social life that came with it. Three or four times a week is a lot more reasonable, and will still see progress if I watch my eating habits. As for eating, I kept a food diary and wrote down every bite I ate for several weeks. I actually weighed everything before eating it, from an apple to a piece of chocolate. Supposedly, this would have helped me pay attention to my eating and chose only healthy foods. In reality, even though I felt bad about eating a whole package of chocolate cookies or some other unhealthy food rich in calories, it never actually stopped me from eating. Whatever trick there is to discipline myself, this is not it. That really is my main problem with dieting: the problem is very much in my head. I remember some days at work when I ate cookies until I was actually feeling sick, and still the next time I passed the cookie bowl, I took another. I made a deal with myself not to eat more than a certain amount, or not before a certain time, or only when somebody else took one, and I broke every single one of them. I go past the kitchen and tell myself "you will not eat anything", and stop and eat something. My mind is sabotaging me completely. That is why I am reluctant to pay money for getting a diet plan custom tailored. My problem is not that I don't know what I should eat. My problem is not eating anything else. In that way, I'm more a case for a psychologist than a nutriotionist. I know a whole lot about which foods are healthy and why, and which foods should be avoided. The knowledge isn't helping. So if I have any resolutions for the new year, it is to finally develop the discipline I need and to stop sabotaging my own efforts. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 5th, 2009
6:49 pm	sick as a dog So, Saturday I was cold. And dizzy. And every muscle hurt. Saturday night I didn't sleep well, because I was shivering like crazy and couldn't get warm. Early Sunday morning the fever seemed to break, but I was weak as a kitten all day. Sunday night I took a hot bath and went to bed. I used about four packages of tissues through the night and again didn't sleep all that well because every half hour or so I had to sneeze, blow my nose, rub some lotion on the skin and try to sleep a bit again. Today my Mum put down her foot and arranged for me to see a doctor, who gave me a sick-note for the whole week. I don't feel as horrible as yesterday, but I'm not sure whether I would be up to driving home tomorrow - it's still snowing on and off, the roads aren't cleared all that well, and in my current state it's probably just too risky. So that means I will have to arrange for one of the coworkers to keep the library open Wednesday through Friday, and everything I need to do has to wait. I don't usually believe in the indispensability of individuals, but there are some things I would have liked to get done these three days. Oh well. This gives me more time to read. I'm at the fifth book in as many days in 2009. Though things will likely slow down now that the exchange is about to start posting. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
12:04 am	No fun! We didn't have a white Christmas. Personally, I don't really care, except for the fact that snow for Christmas is alright because I don't have to drive. For some reason, however, winter has suddenly shown up. It is not only bloody cold, it also snows. And the roads are icy, with no change in the immediate future, because the Powers that Salt the Roads are notoriously unprepared for bad weather (well, who would expect snow in winter?) and take ages to catch up. There have been quite a few accidents on the roads today, so I decided to be wise and cancel my planned trip to IKEA. Which leaves me only Monday, and it's supposed to be still colder and snowing on Monday. I definitely do not need this. Tuesday I'll be driving down again and I sure hope the weather will have improved by then. The 6th is a holiday, so the abovementioned Powers will be unlikely to be running for Busy Bee Awards. A lot of people will start working again on the 7th, so there is a chance of lots of traffic, and considering there are still people around with summer tyres, I do not look forward to driving 360 kilometres, even if most of it will be on large and important roads, which would imply they get salted earlier than others. I'm definitely going to ask my neighbour to drive the rest of the week. I rather walk back home on the backroads than drive up to the base on icy roads. Things have quieted down somewhat since my sister left on New Year's Eve. But my brother and my father still have these endless discussions that either end with them both yelling or my father saying he doesn't care anyway and sulking and my brother making sarcastic remarks that aren't remotely as funny as he thinks. I've heard there are families that do not try their best to hurt each other. Should you know any, drop me a line, I'd like to do a scientific field study on what must be a rare breed. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 1st, 2009
8:12 pm	Happy New Year I hope 2009 will be filled with joy and happiness, amazing new experiences, new friendships and old, hope, trust and love. For the first time in what my brother says was ten years, I didn't feel like a complete failure on New Year's Eve because I wasn't alone with my parents. My brother was there too because his party had been cancelled for lack of attendance, and my sister because she screwed up her train schedules and the train she wanted to take didn't run, so she had to stay two hours longer than planned. I've read a load of books, the list will be posted once I'm back at home. I will be cheaty and count the book I finished at two o'clock in the morning. That's all for now, got to run to watch X-Men III. (Comment on this)